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Night of
1000 Laurie Lees
Statistics; not available.
Plans and applications; not available.
Photocopied reports from bloody depths of bureaucracy; not available.
Orchards; not available.
Aspirin; not available.
Pleasant valley walks; not available.
Childhood available elsewhere.
Sunday school; not available.
Imagination; not available.
Cider presses; not available.
Big dogs with grotty noses; not available.
Kissing gates; not available.
Beer; not available.
Reporters only available if beer available.
Books; not available.
Economists; not available.
Bare-footed taxmen no longer available.
Miffed of Miserden; not available.
Sculptors; not available.
Cowslips; not available.
Pools to drown in; not available.
Sewage and concrete available always
if price is right.
Prices; not available.
Wallets; not available.
Poets and anarchists not available
except for lecture tours in far countries
with big wars.
England wicket keepers; not available.
Trees; not available.
Sunsets; not available.
Badgers not available unless peanuts paid for.
Bungalows available at all times.
Pig-farmers; not available.
Sheep; not available.
Locals not available for comment or otherwise.
Telephones available, but not as available as vandals.
Chaffinches; not available.
Torches not available or necessary.
Bicycles; not available.
BBC film crews and other archaeologists; available.
Holographic Laurie Lee; available.
Midsummer morning traffic-log; available.
Small chunks of Cotswold stone; available.
Mortgages; available.
Rustic 1930’s charm available
from staff of three-story theme restaurant
on request.
Chartered helicopter flights; available.
Genuine gravestones; available.
‘Cider with Disney’; available.
Sex in aforementioned bungalows; available.
Prices available for that.
Prime Minister available for facile speeches
about importance of countryside
and visits from Presidents
Jilly Cooper; available.
Jilly Cooper; available.
Explosives not available.
At
this
time.
© Adam
Horovitz
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